Thoughts While I Was On The West Coast...

That must mean something if I didn't cry when I leave. Not that I didn't love it, cause I did, very much. It felt like a different kind of home. There was so much of it that felt right. But then again, it felt right like a one night stand. You know what you're getting yourself into, enjoy the moment you have with it, and then in the morning look at it and know that you're better than that. But I could see myself falling in love with any of those bars. I can see myself dancing on that stage and meeting people for dinner.

There is just something that I can't shake about New York. It's how, for some reason, I always feel like I'm waiting for some sort of secret. And I'm madly in love with the people that I've met. They're a good group of kids and I feel like a part of something.

I get so lost sometimes it's hilarious.One thought leading to the another, and next thing you know I've been smiling and staring into space for twenty minutes.

This song (Golden Years. David Bowie.) for sure could be my song. I see a third or fourth date, just drinking and a jukebox. A summer night would be cute. We're gross but, who cares cause we aren't the only ones. Hips, shoulders, arms, and then some how we're around one another in a back booth. We hold off on kissing for as long as we can, although we seem to always cave early on in the game.

We're been doing drugs, whatever our little hearts desire. We've been drinking. It started out as a group and then in the early morning it's just us, and that's ok. We some how end up at a packed dance club. We've never been before and it kinda scares us but he takes my hand and we go deeper. There are people everywhere, dancing like it's their last night on earth. I'll start dancing at first by myself and then I'll notice him just watching, which makes me walk over, kiss him once and then we're dancing together.

With a group of friends at a bar, drunk as ever. One of those songs I've got to perform along. Everyone knows they have a part, but I lead of course. It's one of those moments where something big happens at the end. They kiss for the first time, he gets on one knee, the friends make up. I like the one where the two finally kiss for the first time. Those moments are my favorite.

With your girlfriends. On a night that's all about you. You're having you're silly girl drinks and flirting with boys just to giggle and run away. Of course a boy will latch on and you won't be able to shake him. He'll keep a safe distance because he knows that an angry gaggle of girls can do.

It's amazing how this song can relate to everyone no matter what. We've all had that one person that drove us crazy and then although we're glad they're one they are still there with us.

This one is trying to prove a point. They're trying to get the other to relax or loosen up. The other is going to dance around the bar singing all the words that they know. They want you to see that no matter how hard it looks or feels like at the moment, it's gonna get better and be totally worth it. Promise they say.

"Well then I'll wait, for as long as it takes."
-It's nice to say and real nice to hear, but what if that isn't enough? What if the moment has passed or even more heartbreaking, they don't feel the same? Then what? You've got either someone holding their breath for you or you putting your life on pause for something that will never play. But how do they know, that this is what they are suppose to be doing? How are they so sure? That's what bothers me the most, the knowing part. I seem to know nothing, and most of the time that's fine by me, I love being surprised. But will I ever know? I pray that there will be the light blub that goes off or that feeling in my gut. I'll know it, I'm sure I will.

I'm back, what wants to have a drink?

Just A Simple Day For One...

Sometimes all you want to do is wear a hat in the house, your fingerless gloves, and lipstick. Then you want to dance with the music as loud as it goes. Sometimes you just want to stand still and let the music wash over you, like you're hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then there are times that you just need to be with someone. Anyone. A best friend, a stranger, the love of your life.

Sometimes I need to be quiet. Sometimes I like to just sit and look out the window and think about how it could be.

Sometimes I like being stupid. Doing stupid things makes me realize that it could be worse.

So you sit and think that you are ready to write, that you have something so amazing that you want to put down. And then you sit and you're ready and then you've got nothing. Nothing. How is that possible? Didn't you just have a bunch of amazing ideas?

I miss Florida sometimes for just the fact that there was a time that I use to sit on the beach with family or friends. We'd sit and talk about nothing important, and just watch the waves or the clouds. Simple times, there use to be right?

I loved California like crazy. It felt so right and so homey, that if I didn't have rent to pay and a car, I could totally see myself being out there. But when I left I didn't have the same reaction I had when I left New York, I cried when I left New York. I didn't ever want to leave again. That's why I visited 2 more times that summer and then moved there. I loved California, I really did, but I think I can hold out for a bit longer before I do any kind of moving again.

This was just a rambling post, I had nothing to say, just needed a few moments to write somethings down while I had them on my mind.

Happiness is having dinner and drinks with people I'm gonna know for awhile. I'm so glad to have met you kids :)

Love me like I love having a solid group of people here that are with me no matter what. That are willing to help me in my time of need. I'm one of the luckiest girls alive.