I Thought I Was In My Old Kitchen...

I worked 7 days in a row this week. And it's my own fault. A girl I work with is in school and wanted to day off for studying, and I have nothing else going on so I picked it up, noticing it would put me in a 7 days in a row. But I sucked it up and did it. I clocked out this week at 39.39 hours.

I've been cutting back on my drinking. It cost to much, sometimes I feel like muck in the morning and it's just not worth it. So after work, I just went home. I had whiskey at home.

Roommates come home and next thing you know, we're drinking and dancing and sliding across the floor, and for a split second I had to stop and catch my breathe. Hadn't I done this before? Not in this new apartment, no. But this all feels so very familiar...

And then it hits me. The island in the townhouse in Tallahassee. No matter what has going on, or who we were dancing too, we always ended up dancing around that island, and that's how I was dancing tonight. I was dancing up and down the hallway like it was my job. Like that hallway was built with the only purpose for me to dance in it. I smiled, took another drink from my cup, and continued dancing.

Sara was in Tallahassee tonight seeing American Aquarium. I could go on and on about those boys and what they have done for some of us since meeting them. It's something to look forward too. I've lived in a bunch of places, and thankfully they have played in a lot of them. But then thinking about college and the madness that happened, they have been a part of it just as much as anyone else. Thanks boys, you rule.

I've sat on a bunch of stoops before, and while sitting on mine the other day did I remembering sitting on the Copeland House stoop with Caitlin in the rain. Sitting and wondering about life and how did we get there, and laughed and went to bed. Now, being the age that we are, we laugh again remembering those moments and how we thought we knew it all. How we thought that this was the end all of ends. That this is what we were meant to do. Work the night shift, then drink and dance till 4. That was how we were gonna live our lives. We were meant to be with these loser guys and take the mess that they were dishing out to us, that was what we were meant for. But then Caitlin and I locked eyes and we just knew. We knew that there were bigger and better things for us out there. Now we both have the love of our lives with us. She with a a boy who knows the importance of friendship, and a city that never sleeps so that she can visit whenever she wants.

This is all rambling. None of this is suppose to make sense. I have a calzone in the oven. I'm pretty excited about it.

I don't work at all tomorrow. I feel like it's gonna be a catching up day for sure. I want to make phone calls and I want to receive them. Don't be shy, even if we haven't talked in awhile, call me up and rant and rave about how awesome things are for you. I want to rant and rave with you.

Happiness is remember that I am here to shake things up and make things shimmy.

Love me like I love knowing that I will be going to brunch tomorrow. I never get to go to brunch.

Other Side Of The Hill.

It's always exciting exchanging stories. No two are the same. Sure we have the same situations, all of us being so different we never do the same things twice.

In the movies, you are suppose to have your first kiss in the pouring rain, or on a beach, or underneath a star filled sky. You're suppose to live happily ever after. Have cute little kids, a wedding you see in magazines, and in-laws that adore you.

But I love hearing the stories that actaully happen. She ended her shift and didn't realize that her night had just begun and would be fulled with drugs, beer, and baths. Waking up and recounting the events is always the most fun. And this story had water.

He was so good about staying within the lines. He knew how to keep everyone happy and on the right track. But there are just sometimes that he wants to reverse time and be that boy who was the one that had to be controlled. He wanted to re meet her and remember what it was like to be madly in love. Now he was just the good guy with an empty feeling in his chest.

In her mind it's always so romantic. Someone would say something witty, they'd lock eyes and they'd kiss. She always laughed.

A Few...

And when they ask us where we've been, we'll tell them the truth. And when they stare back with shock all over their faces we'll smile. And while they demand to know the details and how it all began, we'll tell them, leaving out nothing because we'd never want to disappoint. And they'll be happy for us and we, well, we'll continue to smile.

~

She wouldn't let him hold her hand. Hand holding was the first sign of forever, and when she says forever she means until something better comes along. She was scared and she hated being at someone else's whim. So for now she'll keep her hands deep in her pockets or else up in the air, cause that's where they are when she's dancing.

Almost Is Worse Than No...

You were almost first.
We were almost lovers.
She almost left him.
He almost kissed her.

They almost forgot her.
They almost crashed.
They almost got to the top.
They almost passed the mark.

He almost blinked.
She almost gave in.
We almost touched.
You were almost first.

Move...

"Just move," she told him. "Close your eyes and just move." He closed his eyes, and slowly started to move his legs. He had no idea what he was doing but he really liked her and wanted her to see that he could be fun.

"I can't do it," he said to her as he put his hands on his hips. "I just feel silly, I can't do it like you." She smiled as she walked over to him. "How do you dance like that and not care about anything going on around you." She stood on her toes and kissed him on the cheek.

"When I'm dancing that is the only moment in the world that matters. The song that is playing is my favorite song, and is playing only for me. When you see me moving it's my soul trying with all its might to escape. My soul hates not being able to show off how happy it is. I dance because my feet have no other way to smile. I dance because sometimes words just aren't enough and you just have to express yourself. I dance to prove that I can stand alone in a crowd and that be ok."

They Walked Together Hand In Hand...

When we are small we love making plans. They don't have to be major plans, "Want to come over this weekend for a sleepover?" "Did you finish the homework? Can I see it" We don't notice it, but we have been making plans for as long as we can remember.

Then we grow up a bit. And we start to think into the future. We start thinking about what college we want to go to, if this boyfriend will last the summer, can I lose 10 lbs? We start making a list of things that we want out of our lives and how we should go about getting them. Of course they change, what we think we need changes from year to year even day to day, but sooner or later our list becomes solid and we are finally on the right path to what will make us the happiest.

And then it happens. There they are. Smiling our way. Making us do a double take that night. We stumble over ourselves, try to act cool but it doesn't matter, they already have us by the heart strings. Then we remember our list! You look it over and see that they don't meet everything on your list, and you begin to wonder? Is your list wrong? Is there something you missed?

Of course there was something you missed. You didn't know that they were gonna walk into your life. If you would have known that you would have never made the list in the first place. You would have just gone about your life and waited until they showed up. But who knows any of that. That's why we make lists.

And all those plans you had? Well at first it's gonna seem like they are out the window, none of this is going to plan! You didn't not expect this, how did you not know? But then you take a step back and smile, aren't surprises better anyway? If you would have known that something like this was going to happen, wouldn't you want to be surprised by it?

This is rambling. When I read it back aloud, it all just sounds like rambling. But it's happy rambling!

People are getting married left and right and I am overjoyed to see pictures from all these happy events! Some people I use to know back in the day are getting hitched, and it just makes me smile from ear to ear seeing their happiness build up, unfold in front of family and friends, and then they get to start the rest of their lives together. How can you not just melt with happiness for them.

So this is too all you happy kids out there, together, not together, dancing, not dancing, and just being content and happy with life. I've been extra excited about life lately and thought I must share.

Happiness is seeing that love is real and true and passionate and giving and so much more then we could ever know until we actaully experience it.

Love me like I love each and every moment of each and every moment.

Thoughts While I Was On The West Coast...

That must mean something if I didn't cry when I leave. Not that I didn't love it, cause I did, very much. It felt like a different kind of home. There was so much of it that felt right. But then again, it felt right like a one night stand. You know what you're getting yourself into, enjoy the moment you have with it, and then in the morning look at it and know that you're better than that. But I could see myself falling in love with any of those bars. I can see myself dancing on that stage and meeting people for dinner.

There is just something that I can't shake about New York. It's how, for some reason, I always feel like I'm waiting for some sort of secret. And I'm madly in love with the people that I've met. They're a good group of kids and I feel like a part of something.

I get so lost sometimes it's hilarious.One thought leading to the another, and next thing you know I've been smiling and staring into space for twenty minutes.

This song (Golden Years. David Bowie.) for sure could be my song. I see a third or fourth date, just drinking and a jukebox. A summer night would be cute. We're gross but, who cares cause we aren't the only ones. Hips, shoulders, arms, and then some how we're around one another in a back booth. We hold off on kissing for as long as we can, although we seem to always cave early on in the game.

We're been doing drugs, whatever our little hearts desire. We've been drinking. It started out as a group and then in the early morning it's just us, and that's ok. We some how end up at a packed dance club. We've never been before and it kinda scares us but he takes my hand and we go deeper. There are people everywhere, dancing like it's their last night on earth. I'll start dancing at first by myself and then I'll notice him just watching, which makes me walk over, kiss him once and then we're dancing together.

With a group of friends at a bar, drunk as ever. One of those songs I've got to perform along. Everyone knows they have a part, but I lead of course. It's one of those moments where something big happens at the end. They kiss for the first time, he gets on one knee, the friends make up. I like the one where the two finally kiss for the first time. Those moments are my favorite.

With your girlfriends. On a night that's all about you. You're having you're silly girl drinks and flirting with boys just to giggle and run away. Of course a boy will latch on and you won't be able to shake him. He'll keep a safe distance because he knows that an angry gaggle of girls can do.

It's amazing how this song can relate to everyone no matter what. We've all had that one person that drove us crazy and then although we're glad they're one they are still there with us.

This one is trying to prove a point. They're trying to get the other to relax or loosen up. The other is going to dance around the bar singing all the words that they know. They want you to see that no matter how hard it looks or feels like at the moment, it's gonna get better and be totally worth it. Promise they say.

"Well then I'll wait, for as long as it takes."
-It's nice to say and real nice to hear, but what if that isn't enough? What if the moment has passed or even more heartbreaking, they don't feel the same? Then what? You've got either someone holding their breath for you or you putting your life on pause for something that will never play. But how do they know, that this is what they are suppose to be doing? How are they so sure? That's what bothers me the most, the knowing part. I seem to know nothing, and most of the time that's fine by me, I love being surprised. But will I ever know? I pray that there will be the light blub that goes off or that feeling in my gut. I'll know it, I'm sure I will.

I'm back, what wants to have a drink?