In A Certain State Of Mind...

I sound like a broken record, but for as long as I can remember I have wanted to live in New York. Being there for family functions, reading about it in books, seeing it in movies, and watching in Saturday Night Live. There was just something about it, that I felt an over powering need to be there. But when should I go, how would I get there? These were all things I thought about all through middle and high school. But then of course they were all just huge dreams that I thought every kid had, some want to travel the world, some want to explore the deep sea, and I just wanted to be in New York.

I graduated high school and headed to Tallahassee. I never thought that I would experience as much as I would in college and wouldn't trade anything for it in the world. I met some of my now best friends and it gave me so much to think about in what I'd want to do with my future. But it was still there, the little voice at the back of my head, just hinting about New York. Saying that I could and would be happy in Florida, everything I love is here, I could have the most amazing life, but what about New York? I think you could be happy in New York too.

I graduated college and finished out the summer in Tallahassee and decided to move home. Might as well right? I didn't have any plans, my parents were ok with me coming home, and I'm not gonna lie, free rent and food seemed like a great idea. So that's what I did for a year. I loved living at home, seeing my family everyday, and working part time at a little mom and pops pizza joint being a waitress. The voice started to get a bit louder when I saw that a friend of mine was up and living in New York, just visit her, it said, see what she's doing. So I did visit, and that week blew my mind. It was everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. I cried when I left. I had never felt that way about a place before (ok that's a lie, I still to this day cry every time I leave Virginia) and it scared me how much I loved it right away. I came home and went right back into my life, but now the voice was all I was listening too. It was loud and right. I had to go back and do it all over again. I went back 2 more times, but the end of the third trip I told my friend, how do you feel about me moving up and us going a place together? She was all about it, so it was decided, I was moving in September.

When I came home, I told my parents about it and they said alright, but I feel like they didn't think I was serious. How will she pay for anything, where will she live? But I was so serious and started making all the plans. I put in my notice at work, and whatever free time I had I put towards looking for a job. I even changed my number to a New York number so it would make me look more local.

And then the day came. It was a Sunday and I had an afternoon flight, so I was able to spend the day with my family and ease into this whole new life. I'll never forget my mom and sister as I hugged them good bye. My dad took me to the airport, helped me unload a few things, wished me luck, kissed me good bye and I walked away. I walked right to the bathroom and cried. For those few minutes I was terrified, I had no idea what I was doing. I was moving to New York with $1,500, no job and sharing a room with a friend. I was going to know exactly one person, why did I think I could do this? But then I stopped crying, inhaled deeply, and smiled. Isn't this exactly what I wanted? Isn't this what I've been dreaming about since forever? I got on that plane and that was it.

And here I am, exactly one year later, and I still love it like it's my first day. Living in Brooklyn and knowing that this is where my mom started her tiny life, I love it. I have a job that, although I don't love it everyday, I love the people that I've been given the chance to meet and work with. I have learned so much about how differently people can live. I have heard so many stories, good and bad. I have experienced so much in this short year then I ever thought I would, and right now wouldn't trade it for the world.

I miss my family everyday, I think about them all the time. But I want to thank them for letting me do this, for letting me go and do something simply fantastic. I can feel the love all the way up here from so many people, rooting for me, wanting me to have the time of my life, and to just live it. I don't know what I'd do without them.

I'm going to keep writing, I'm going to keep talking to people, keep dancing, keep smiling, and sooner or later it's gonna work out. It's only been a year silly, I've got so much time to be something spectacular.

:)